Spectacle-u-r Reality

 2019.

 Since yesterday I was feeling very uncomfortable because my vision was shielded and my gaze at the objects was eclipsed. I cannot retain anything while reading a book or watching an advt. on the road. With little effort I can get the blurred vision of the newspaper and can watch T.V. but I was not able to decipher any other reading material. And that also disappeared as soon as I moved my eyes from one item to another. I was feeling depressed because I can’t think without my glasses. They are my windows of the world. Sudden termination of my vision forced me to realize that while poor eyes take notice of all other things, take no notice of them. It should be set at the distance in order to have correct vision vide Locke. So I decided to visit an ophthalmologist. 

          After a long wait in his chamber, he asked me to sit on a chair and read the chart in front of me with Halloween like glasses. I was feeling so sorry that instead of asking me to read Kant and Hegel, after all I am an M.A., PhD., he gave me a chart of a, b, c, d …etc. and to my full confidence I read a, b, c, d, …I was feeling low because he asked me to read poor alphabets only, whereas I was expecting to read 1Q 84. Anyway I was elated also because I was able to read them correctly, I have not forgotten them. He then announced “Your eyes are absolutely fine and fair. Don’t worry, you will be able to read and write whatever you wish to.” And I was happy and fully satisfied.

           I came home and put on my glasses. To my utter surprise, I found that I was not able to read and write. Pages are getting hazy and smudged; I was unable to read anything. Though my glasses were examined by the doctor, and, surely, my glasses were alright also, but why it failed to retain anything, so to say, I did not understand! Just as looking glass does not retain anything whatever comes before it, so my eye-glasses at present could not retain anything. If a blind person were to ask me “have you got two hands”, and if I look at my hands to tell him, ‘yes’, that proves that I should not trust my eyes. The labyrinth of skepticism were drawn on me, ‘do I see two hands’? Instantly, I broke down my mythical walls of distrust and decided to go to the doctor once again. And I did it, because I was passionately longing for the correct pair of glasses. 

          After careful examination he gave me the same chart to read out loudly. I read it correctly except the first line. Doctor told me then, “Don’t try to blame your eyes; your glasses are perfectly alright; because you forgot to clean your glasses, so you have a hazy perception of everything. Don’t worry, you can read everything under the prescribed specific range. Don’t try to read the first line of the chart because it is in micro writing, no one can read that line by the way.”  

          “Ok Ok, thank you” and I came back. With fresh mind I started reading the book leaving the first line of the book taking for granted that it is micro in writing. And lo! It was a bolt from the blue the whole page became micro in writing. I failed to understand anything correctly, what I received through the glasses was a misty and foggy picture of the page. I was relentlessly compelled to question if I have developed blindness. Searching for the correct pair of glasses seems to be a Fool’s errand now for me.  

          In the mean time a year passed away and my struggle with the glasses continued. Looking at my pitiable condition, I was told by my elder sister that I should go for second opinion and I reluctantly went to the second doctor. As usual, he proceeded to examine my eyes minutely and apply certain drops and tests and declared that my eyes are all correct but my glasses are defective. He laughed like anything. “Ha!! Ha! Old lady! You are wearing glasses with wrong perception. You can’t see because you are wearing someone else’s glasses, better you should go for massive index glasses which will allow you to have the multiple visions.”  So I decided to go for some fine quality of new glasses with perfect chosen frame. I listened to his advice and did the same with the hope that now this time reading and writings of the books will be clearly visible to me. On the day of appointment, I went to the clinic and took delivery of my glasses, the technician asked me to read the prescribed chart. I did read the whole except the first line for which I did not care because I knew that that was micro in writing. 

          I came back home with two specs in my hands. This time I was very careful. I was advised to keep two pairs of glasses so that if one is lost I can use the second one. And I did. Putting on a new pair of glasses completely transformed my look.

         I put on the first one and testified the truth of the specs by reading the newspaper. To my dismay, I found that I could not! Words are getting thinner and thinner, and almost nothing could I read; I was cursing my bad eye-sight. After wearing for five minutes I got head pain, so I kept it for the second day trial because I was counseled that ‘early in the morning, when you get up from the bed you start wearing the new glasses, so you will be able to adjust the glasses.’ I followed the instruction next day. But sorry, my friends, I could not read the newspaper and my favourite books by my bed-side. Then I remembered that I have the alternative glasses, I should try the second option. May be this time I will be successful in my attempt. I was forced to do some serious cleaning with the liquid solution and a small piece of fine cloth given free with the glasses. 

           Then with enough hope I wore the duplicate glasses. Aha! Now I can see everything. I was happy to get back my vision. Now I realize why Spinoza earned his livelihood by grinding the glasses so that he can get clear vision of the universe and can write books on understanding, substance, mind, intellectual love of God bla bla bla…. I was so thankful to my doctor who suggested me to keep two pairs of glasses at a time. Now I have two pairs of glasses. One pair is for reading books and another for reading bus numbers and shops’ name etc., I mean, farthest things to see. Oh! My God!! I was away from the farthest and near to the nearest which again is farthest and farthest from myself. Bewitched by these visuals my happiness flew away. I fell on the same parallel railway track, vis-à-vis concave or convex lenses. 

          My sister suggested that you should not go for index glasses, they are trouble shooters; go for single convex lenses for reading purpose only, since she can read so smoothly with the reading glasses without any frustrating experience like me. In spite of my melancholy bearing expression, my despondent instinct inclined me to go for the reading glasses alone and next day I was again at doctor’s mercy. I apologize to the Doctor and he smiled. And after a brief examination he told me, “Your eyes are perfect” and suggested for applying tear-drops.  

          I asked him whether I can go for separate reading glasses and he nodded in affirmation. So, I went for two pairs of glasses for reading purpose. I was not only sure but had firm conviction that I will be able to read and write like my olden days. But…“there was more things in heaven and the earth then are dreamt of in your philosophy”. Next day, I fell, bruised injured my eyes without correct glasses. There was more disappointment in my destiny making it inconsequential because I could not use that too. I thought I am not supposed to read anything now, my life as a reader is finished. I kept the glasses in the locker because I have spent quite a lot of money on my glasses; they were too precious to me.   

          Somehow, I have had to come to terms with wearing unfit-glasses. Now what should I do?  Friends!!! I have seven pairs of glasses at present. They are like Saptabhaṅgī Naya of Jainas. Every day I wear one and try to locate the things from my perspective.  Next day I wear another and look at the things from another perspective. There was pinnacle of interactions every time I walk down the street wearing glasses. The seven pairs were in my bag evoking power and spectrum of possibility.  In this way I can use all the seven pairs equally, doing justice to all of them. Looking back now it seems absurd, for, I was trying to look at the Horizon. And that was absurd. No, I cannot have the Dream of “complete clarity”, that is, God like vision which takes place outside the world of time and space, encompassing all. The world is split open for me now. I can have multiple visions in this wondrous space to create and recreate every day. There is concoction everywhere. 

          But friends!!! There are many a slip between the cup and the lip. Reality is full of too many risks and threats, so I am not sure whether all seven will come into clashes and conflicts one day. I have started fantasizing because wearing glasses is a complicated skill to master the technique of vision. And I am living under a sense of threat: Whether I can do justice to my far vision and near vision!!! If one day I can see far off things, another day I can see the near ones, and next day I can see both. Yes! Sometimes I took my spectacles off in order to clean my vision, because my strength and my weakness are spectacles. 

            Taking off my specs allows me to see the things in undistorted way. Invisible reality behind ephemeral appearances seems to be more real unguarded by specs which it cannot dispel. Spectacles are to look beyond those illusionary beautiful things. But I cannot see poverty, justice, radical discrimination, violence. Not everything is visible to me. I fail to see the compassion, justice. Because “The glasses on our Nose” does not allow us to think but to look only. This Ocular-centrism is a radical attempt to free through the hegemony of dubious arguments, Grand narratives of philosophizing. World of picture ––an epoch obsessed with Isomorphism, alienates thinking and amplify vision. It puts everything before us and never explains and deduces anything, since everything lies open to us but we fail to notice the ‘beyond’. Now,  I shifted to linguistic paradigm from spectacular reality. So I doubt, whether I can do poetic justice to all of my glasses!! My friends!! Tell me what to do: 

Without them I feel I am in dark … 

And with them I feel the world is in dark.